I feel like I've talked a lot about feeling thankful during this journey. Thankful for friends and family and their support. Thankful that, even during chemo, I never felt THAT bad. But I heard a story yesterday that might have made my thankfulness hit an all-time high.
Another worker within my school district was diagnosed with cancer in May. This is her second round of cancer, as she beat it two or three years ago. I'm not sure what type she has, not that it really matters. She needs to undergo radiation, but has no insurance (she's not a teacher). The doctors won't start her radiation until she puts a $3,000 deposit down.
When I started getting the insurance statements on my radiation I realized that each treatment was $609. It could be more if you had an x-ray that day or if you had to see the doctor. Here is a little math for you: 33 treatments at $609 each is $20,097.
I have saved all of my insurance statements since this journey began in December, but I have yet to add them all up. I could honestly be close to $100,000 in total between surgeries, chemo, doctors appointments and radiation. With the exception of a couple of prescriptions and co-pays I have paid $500, which is my deductible.
I remember a day that my friend Jocelyn asked me about my bills and how much I've paid and then said "What do people do who don't have insurance? They just die, right?" Naive Jenn hadn't really thought of that, and just figured it got taken care of somehow. I mean come on, doctors really aren't going to treat someone with cancer? Oh silly Jenn....
We can complain that insurance is expensive, and I know that when my contribution to insurance went from 7% to over 20% in a year I was angry, but holy cow I have no problem paying for it now. I was the first one at the lunch table saying that we should switch insurance companies and go to something cheaper because "I never go to the doctor anyways." Yeah, the lightening bolt hit me on that one.
Between car and house payments, utilities, student loans and every other bill I pay every month I have no idea how long it would take me to save $3,000. I know that entire time I would be freaking out that the disease inside me was growing and spreading and there was nothing I can do about it. I have no idea how she must be dealing with it.
So today, probably more than ever, I'm thankful for my insurance that has helped me get the best treatments in a timely manner and hasn't put me even farther into debt.
**PS I know I owe a regular post about hair and such and it's coming!
Showing posts with label #thankful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #thankful. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Two Roads
Someone asked me this question the other day: "Do you think people with cancer become nicer because they are grateful for the days they have?"
I thought about this for a minute and I decided that people can take one of two roads.
The first road is anger. I would be lying if I said I never took this road. This thing sucks, and I had it kinda easy. Most of the crying I did was angry crying. I was mad that I was in this mess. I was mad that people got to go on living their everyday lives and I didn't. It seemed like everyone had a baby or got pregnant, got engaged or married or had some other awesome event happen in their lives in the last 6 months. Facebook was hard to look at sometimes. I would NEVER wish upon someone what I went through, I was just purely jealous that I didn't have exciting things to share. (Sidenote: most of these things bother healthy single jenn as well haha)
But most days, I took the other road. I chose to be positive and be happy for others. I was thankful for all of the things people have done for me, and vowed to do the same for others. I wanted people to share the good things in their lives because someday I hope they'll still be around when I have big happy moments in my life as well.
I have a feeling that the people that take the angry road realize that it's a pretty lonely one and, when you already have cancer, loneliness is NOT something you need.
I thought about this for a minute and I decided that people can take one of two roads.
The first road is anger. I would be lying if I said I never took this road. This thing sucks, and I had it kinda easy. Most of the crying I did was angry crying. I was mad that I was in this mess. I was mad that people got to go on living their everyday lives and I didn't. It seemed like everyone had a baby or got pregnant, got engaged or married or had some other awesome event happen in their lives in the last 6 months. Facebook was hard to look at sometimes. I would NEVER wish upon someone what I went through, I was just purely jealous that I didn't have exciting things to share. (Sidenote: most of these things bother healthy single jenn as well haha)
But most days, I took the other road. I chose to be positive and be happy for others. I was thankful for all of the things people have done for me, and vowed to do the same for others. I wanted people to share the good things in their lives because someday I hope they'll still be around when I have big happy moments in my life as well.
I have a feeling that the people that take the angry road realize that it's a pretty lonely one and, when you already have cancer, loneliness is NOT something you need.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
How can you help?
When I first started this blog, someone told me I should write a post about how people can help friends/family that are going through this type of thing. I think I've mentioned some of these before, but here's what I have thought of:
*Losing your hair sucks. It doesn't matter if you go with a wig or a hat, you still feel totally self- conscious and not yourself. My day was absolutely made when a friend/coworker/student told me they liked my hat.
*I know I've mentioned how much I loved getting gift cards to restaurants. Not that I didn't completely appreciate when people brought me food, but it often went bad because my appetite was so all over the place that I never knew what I'd be hungry for. Gift cards were perfect for satisfying whatever cravings I had that day. (Subway was my biggest craving!)
*One of the best thing people did for me was make me get out of the house. I remember that after my lumpectomy my friend Jocelyn called me and said "Take a shower and get dressed, we are going out to dinner." I would have easily turned the offer down if she hadn't told me she was on her way to my house. I may have been exhausted after the trip, but it felt really good to be out of the house and to not dwell on how crummy I was feeling.
*Losing your hair sucks. It doesn't matter if you go with a wig or a hat, you still feel totally self- conscious and not yourself. My day was absolutely made when a friend/coworker/student told me they liked my hat.
*The teacher whose classroom is behind mine brought me daffodils each week when they first started to bloom. She would simply bring them in and put them on my desk. I loved having flowers on my desk!
*I have really enjoyed getting letters in the mail. Some come with long messages and some just say "I saw this and thought of you. Who doesn't love mail??
*Cancer can be really lonely. Few people in your life know exactly what you're going through and I find myself not wanting to always burden them with stories because, let's face it, they aren't the happiest. Check on your friends/family. Send them a text, email them, call them. Ask them how they are. Don't wait for them to ask for help, because they might not.
*When you are first diagnosed people always want to help. But, cancer treatments last a long time. I mean, mine was short, but many last a long time and the side effects and mental exhaustion last a long time. It completely wears you down. Check in on your friends and family weeks and months down the road.
I can never fully express how thankful I am for my friends and family and how well they took care, and continue to take care, of me during this. I will not soon forget, and hope to be just as supportive when others go through the same thing.
*Cancer can be really lonely. Few people in your life know exactly what you're going through and I find myself not wanting to always burden them with stories because, let's face it, they aren't the happiest. Check on your friends/family. Send them a text, email them, call them. Ask them how they are. Don't wait for them to ask for help, because they might not.
*When you are first diagnosed people always want to help. But, cancer treatments last a long time. I mean, mine was short, but many last a long time and the side effects and mental exhaustion last a long time. It completely wears you down. Check in on your friends and family weeks and months down the road.
I can never fully express how thankful I am for my friends and family and how well they took care, and continue to take care, of me during this. I will not soon forget, and hope to be just as supportive when others go through the same thing.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Hair today, but not for much longer!
So on day 14 (Tuesday) my hair officially started to fall out...in clumps! That morning I took my ponytail holder out and was amazed at how much hair came out too. As I ran my fingers through my hair I got even more clumps. It was crazy! It didn't hurt. I could tell that the hair was barely hanging on by anything. Even on day three of hairgate I still have enough for a little ponytail, but it is definitely not as thick as it used to be. I think if I didn't have such thick hair from the start you'd probably see bald patches and perhaps it'd be totally gone. I'm going to give it to the weekend and then shave it off. I have a couple of cute hats now and am waiting on a couple from etsy. If anyone has any hat/scarf suggestions send them my way!
I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of the lack of tears I've shed over the hair loss. It was a tough drive to school Tuesday, but then I had some friends bring me some EXTREMELY thoughtful gifts as if they just knew that was the day I needed them.
Just a tip, waterproof mascara is a must during a time like this. Most times I don't cry because I'm sad. I cry everytime someone does something nice for me because I'm thoroughly touched by the generosity of people Like I've said before, I hope none of my friends have to go through this, but I WILL find a way to pay the kindness forward!
I have to admit that I'm pretty proud of the lack of tears I've shed over the hair loss. It was a tough drive to school Tuesday, but then I had some friends bring me some EXTREMELY thoughtful gifts as if they just knew that was the day I needed them.
Just a tip, waterproof mascara is a must during a time like this. Most times I don't cry because I'm sad. I cry everytime someone does something nice for me because I'm thoroughly touched by the generosity of people Like I've said before, I hope none of my friends have to go through this, but I WILL find a way to pay the kindness forward!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
5 days of school in a row?!?!?!
Managed to work a full week for the first time in two months! It was so nice to have no snow days, no appointments and to feel good enough to be at work the entire week. There were a lot of topics to get covered in my classes (especially Algebra) so I was glad I was there to teach it. I think I've set my classes up pretty well to be gone this week.
Chemo #2 is Wednesday. Here's hoping it goes as well as it did last time! I might even try to go back to work Friday.
More and more students and community members are finding out about "the situation" and they have been very sweet. I get texts from students that have graduated almost every day. At the basketball game Thursday night I received many well wishes from people who I can't figure out how they even know. It's really nice to know people are thinking of you and supporting you.
Chemo #2 is Wednesday. Here's hoping it goes as well as it did last time! I might even try to go back to work Friday.
More and more students and community members are finding out about "the situation" and they have been very sweet. I get texts from students that have graduated almost every day. At the basketball game Thursday night I received many well wishes from people who I can't figure out how they even know. It's really nice to know people are thinking of you and supporting you.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Today's post is brought to you by....A SNOW DAY!
I have said this before, I have been amazed by some of the "good luck" I've had throughout this process. The extra day off because of a snow day after my lumpectomy. The fact that all of the bad news phone calls I have received have been on days off from school. And this week, the fact that the time they scheduled my port placement was during our mid-winter break.
On Monday after I got home, they called to tell me that I officially started chemo Wednesday. This meant I would only have Tuesday to get ready for three days off of school. It should be noted that it is a lot of work to be gone for a day of teaching, let alone three! Monday night I sat down and wrote all of my lesson plans. I honestly couldn't believe how productive I was. But, my nervous energy got the best of me and I knew I had to start getting organized in order to sleep. I even joked that it would be my luck that after all of that work I wouldn't have school Tuesday.
We got our first call at 5:30am saying we were on a 2hour delay. I was already dressed and ready to go so I went ahead and started to work. I turned around a couple miles from home. The roads were so bad! I mean, I'm kind of a wuss when driving in the winter, but these were really bad! At around 8am we got the call that school was officially cancelled. While I loved the fact that I got an additional day off to recover from Monday's surgery (another piece of good luck), this meant that I wasn't at school getting ready to be gone, and I would have to redo my lesson plans.
A group of us did our traditional snow day lunch (have I mentioned how much I have loved these lunches this year?) and then I headed down to Fennville. After about 3.5 hours I felt ready to miss the next three days. So many copies made, lessons rewritten, tests planned.
I'm sad that I haven't gotten a chance to fill my students in on what is going on. They have started to ask questions about why I've been missing so much school, but I didn't want to tell them much until I had an actual treatment plan. I feel bad that I'm not there to get them ready for their tests. But, when they hit college, they are are going to have to get ready for tests on their own a lot of the time. I know that I need to make myself the priority, but I feel like I owe these kids a good experience in my classes. I want to make a good impression on the new principal, and not seem like a person who takes a lot of time off. How do some people seem so un-phased about missing school?
I will not let myself stress out about school. I will relax and take care of myself. If everything doesn't run perfectly, it will be ok.
I have no idea what to expect from chemo, but I'm sure I'll have a lot to share! Wish me luck!
P.S. Sorry for the rambling posts. I've had a lot to catch up on!
On Monday after I got home, they called to tell me that I officially started chemo Wednesday. This meant I would only have Tuesday to get ready for three days off of school. It should be noted that it is a lot of work to be gone for a day of teaching, let alone three! Monday night I sat down and wrote all of my lesson plans. I honestly couldn't believe how productive I was. But, my nervous energy got the best of me and I knew I had to start getting organized in order to sleep. I even joked that it would be my luck that after all of that work I wouldn't have school Tuesday.
We got our first call at 5:30am saying we were on a 2hour delay. I was already dressed and ready to go so I went ahead and started to work. I turned around a couple miles from home. The roads were so bad! I mean, I'm kind of a wuss when driving in the winter, but these were really bad! At around 8am we got the call that school was officially cancelled. While I loved the fact that I got an additional day off to recover from Monday's surgery (another piece of good luck), this meant that I wasn't at school getting ready to be gone, and I would have to redo my lesson plans.
A group of us did our traditional snow day lunch (have I mentioned how much I have loved these lunches this year?) and then I headed down to Fennville. After about 3.5 hours I felt ready to miss the next three days. So many copies made, lessons rewritten, tests planned.
I'm sad that I haven't gotten a chance to fill my students in on what is going on. They have started to ask questions about why I've been missing so much school, but I didn't want to tell them much until I had an actual treatment plan. I feel bad that I'm not there to get them ready for their tests. But, when they hit college, they are are going to have to get ready for tests on their own a lot of the time. I know that I need to make myself the priority, but I feel like I owe these kids a good experience in my classes. I want to make a good impression on the new principal, and not seem like a person who takes a lot of time off. How do some people seem so un-phased about missing school?
I will not let myself stress out about school. I will relax and take care of myself. If everything doesn't run perfectly, it will be ok.
I have no idea what to expect from chemo, but I'm sure I'll have a lot to share! Wish me luck!
P.S. Sorry for the rambling posts. I've had a lot to catch up on!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
So don't get me wrong, I've really enjoyed the last two weeks of calm. No appointments, no phone calls from doctors, no tests. But, I've become comfortable. I've stoped worrying about the results of my ONCO testing. I've stopped obsessing over the possibility of chemo. I've gone back to my routine. However, I know that two weeks was how long they said results would take, so any day now I will get a call.
I got this comfortable one other time. Before I got the results of my second biopsy (the one that led me into this situation) I let myself believe that it was taking so long because they didn't find anything and so there was no rush to tell me. I can even remember my mom saying "well, if something was really wrong they would have called immediately." Yeah, well that didn't work out so well.
So in the mean time, I'm just sitting on my sofa, waiting for a call, wishing for good news. Don't think that I'm holding out on you guys, I'll let you know as soon as I know. :)
I might sound like a broken record, but just want to say thanks again for the cards, texts, calls, flowers and cookies. You all have helped me keep my sanity!
I got this comfortable one other time. Before I got the results of my second biopsy (the one that led me into this situation) I let myself believe that it was taking so long because they didn't find anything and so there was no rush to tell me. I can even remember my mom saying "well, if something was really wrong they would have called immediately." Yeah, well that didn't work out so well.
So in the mean time, I'm just sitting on my sofa, waiting for a call, wishing for good news. Don't think that I'm holding out on you guys, I'll let you know as soon as I know. :)
I might sound like a broken record, but just want to say thanks again for the cards, texts, calls, flowers and cookies. You all have helped me keep my sanity!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Recovery Mode
Coming out of surgery I was REALLY confused. I remember being wheeled into the operating room and then I woke up in recovering. The confusion totally frustrated me and I felt like people just kept asking me questions. Sorry nurse, I can't really focus on what I want for a snack when I'm trying to figure out what the heck just happened! I had some pain right away, but after finding the right mix of meds I was feeling pretty good. I am soooo not good at giving my pain a number by the way.
So far, two days after surgery, I'm feeling really good. No real pain, though I've been taking pain meds so perhaps if I wasn't I would have some pain. My right arm is pretty sore because I've been favoring it. The doctor told me I need to work on keeping a good range of motion so I've been trying to do normal things with it.
I took the bandages off and looked at my incisions. Hard to really tell anything with the sterile strips still on it but I have two incisions and they are longer than I thought they would be. That prompted the following text conversation:
Me: Looked at my incisions. Kinda big. Porn career officially out.
Sarah: Yeah right! You just need to find the right market. I'm sure there's a whole "sluts with scars" fetish out there.
Me: hahaha
Sarah: People wanted to see Octomom naked for Christ sake!
Me: You have totally lifted my spirits!
(Didn't I say I had awesome friends?)
It should be noted, I have no intention of starting a porn career, though I bet it makes better money than being a public school teacher so....
I'm sad that I'm sitting in Holland, Michigan, while my college friends are off to Louisville for our annual girls trip. Effing cancer! I almost decided to go with them and recover down there, but then I got a call that I have a doctor's appointment Monday so the trip was officially out. Probably best, sleeping in my own bed when I'm not feeling the greatest makes me happy, and I wouldn't be able to go in the hot tub which would depress me. :)
No news about the tumor so far. I'll share when I do.
So far, two days after surgery, I'm feeling really good. No real pain, though I've been taking pain meds so perhaps if I wasn't I would have some pain. My right arm is pretty sore because I've been favoring it. The doctor told me I need to work on keeping a good range of motion so I've been trying to do normal things with it.
I took the bandages off and looked at my incisions. Hard to really tell anything with the sterile strips still on it but I have two incisions and they are longer than I thought they would be. That prompted the following text conversation:
Me: Looked at my incisions. Kinda big. Porn career officially out.
Sarah: Yeah right! You just need to find the right market. I'm sure there's a whole "sluts with scars" fetish out there.
Me: hahaha
Sarah: People wanted to see Octomom naked for Christ sake!
Me: You have totally lifted my spirits!
(Didn't I say I had awesome friends?)
It should be noted, I have no intention of starting a porn career, though I bet it makes better money than being a public school teacher so....
I'm sad that I'm sitting in Holland, Michigan, while my college friends are off to Louisville for our annual girls trip. Effing cancer! I almost decided to go with them and recover down there, but then I got a call that I have a doctor's appointment Monday so the trip was officially out. Probably best, sleeping in my own bed when I'm not feeling the greatest makes me happy, and I wouldn't be able to go in the hot tub which would depress me. :)
No news about the tumor so far. I'll share when I do.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
French Fries never tasted so good!
Finally got home around 8pm. That was a ridiculously long day! I was sooooo confused when I woke up in recovery. I remember getting wheeled into the operating room and then that's about it.
From what I hear, my lymph nodes look clear so that's good! Once they do some more tests on what they took out they can make sure that they got everything.
Celebrated with McDonald's cheeseburgers and fries.
I'll post more tomorrow after (hopefully) a good night of sleep.
Thanks again for all of the texts, emails, prayers, thoughts and overall awesomeness you guys!
From what I hear, my lymph nodes look clear so that's good! Once they do some more tests on what they took out they can make sure that they got everything.
Celebrated with McDonald's cheeseburgers and fries.
I'll post more tomorrow after (hopefully) a good night of sleep.
Thanks again for all of the texts, emails, prayers, thoughts and overall awesomeness you guys!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
I get by with a little help from my friends...
I have amazing friends. It's not that I'm just now figuring this out, I am just even more reminded of that since I found out about my "situation". I have gotten calls, letters, texts, emails, iTunes gift cards and even the world's largest whoopee cushion in the last two weeks. I have friends bringing me food after my surgery and friends grading my finals because I'll be out of school.
I get stressed sometimes that I don't do a good job of expressing my thanks to these great people. Their words are so perfect (and usually make me cry) and I feel like my thank you never sounds as perfect. Just know, I remember all the kind words, read the messages daily, and never take any of it for granted.
I hope you never have to go through this crap yourself. But if you do, I hope you have friends as awesome as mine to help you through the journey.
I get stressed sometimes that I don't do a good job of expressing my thanks to these great people. Their words are so perfect (and usually make me cry) and I feel like my thank you never sounds as perfect. Just know, I remember all the kind words, read the messages daily, and never take any of it for granted.
I hope you never have to go through this crap yourself. But if you do, I hope you have friends as awesome as mine to help you through the journey.
Just to clarify, my "situation" is my breast cancer. Sarah says I used the word situation a lot when talking about it. That's usually because I'm talking about it at school and I haven't filled my students or some of my coworkers in on what's going on. I have also called it my "condition" but I'm not as big of a fan of that descriptor.
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