Fuzzy Wuzzy

So people kept asking me if my hair was growing and I usually said I couldn't really tell. I mean, it kinda looked like it, but there still wasn't much. Until this week....

People kept telling me about the duck fuzz hair. That it would come in super fine and super soft. I figured this wouldn't happen with me since my hair is so thick and course. But, I now have the fuzz. And the funny thing is, all of the new hair on my body is that fuzz.  Ok, this is probably tmi but I didn't think my armpit hair was growing yet (not that i was disappointed) because usually it's pretty coarse and I didn't feel any. However, I looked tonight and I have some, and it's the usual black, but it's super fine. So weird!

My friend told me I should take a picture each week to chronicle my hair growth. I wish that you could see the duck fuzz in this one, but here is this weeks!

How can you help?

When I first started this blog, someone told me I should write a post about how people can help friends/family that are going through this type of thing. I think I've mentioned some of these before, but here's what I have thought of:

*I know I've mentioned how much I loved getting gift cards to restaurants. Not that I didn't completely appreciate when people brought me food, but it often went bad because my appetite was so all over the place that I never knew what I'd be hungry for. Gift cards were perfect for satisfying whatever cravings I had that day. (Subway was my biggest craving!)

*One of the best thing people did for me was make me get out of the house.  I remember that after my lumpectomy my friend Jocelyn called me and said "Take a shower and get dressed, we are going out to dinner." I would have easily turned the offer down if she hadn't told me she was on her way to my house. I may have been exhausted after the trip, but it felt really good to be out of the house and to not dwell on how crummy I was feeling.

*Losing your hair sucks. It doesn't matter if you go with a wig or a hat, you still feel totally self- conscious and not yourself. My day was absolutely made when a friend/coworker/student told me they liked my hat.

*The teacher whose classroom is behind mine brought me daffodils each week when they first started to bloom. She would simply bring them in and put them on my desk. I loved having flowers on my desk!

*I have really enjoyed getting letters in the mail. Some come with long messages and some just say  "I saw this and thought of you. Who doesn't love mail??

*Cancer can be really lonely. Few people in your life know exactly what you're going through and I find myself not wanting to always burden them with stories because, let's face it, they aren't the happiest. Check on your friends/family. Send them a text, email them, call them. Ask them how they are. Don't wait for them to ask for help, because they might not.

*When you are first diagnosed people always want to help. But, cancer treatments last a long time. I mean, mine was short, but many last a long time and the side effects and mental exhaustion last a long time. It completely wears you down. Check in on your friends and family weeks and months down the road.

I can never fully express how thankful I am for my friends and family and how well they took care, and continue to take care, of me during this. I will not soon forget, and hope to be just as supportive when others go through the same thing.

Simulated and ready to go!

On Thursday I went in to be simulated. This is actually a pretty interesting process. You have to lie on this board, with your arms positioned over your head and they run you through an x-ray machine. Through this process they determine how the radiation beams will be directed.

The appointment was an easy one except for a few things:

• They rubberband your feet together so that you can't move them and so that you are straight on the board.
• They tell you to breathe normally while in the x-ray machine and don't take any deep breaths. Well any time someone tells you to breathe normally you are automatically very aware of how you breathe and you breathe all weird! And what constitutes a deep breath?!
• Your arms are over your head on boards. You have to decide how you will hold your hands each time during this appointment because any change in how your body is lined up can throw off the radiation process. For the record, I chose to hold my left hand in my right.
• While you are on this board, with your feet rubber banded together and your arms over your head oh yeah and topless, they take a lot of pictures of you. Awkward!!! I would hate to see those. 
• At the end of the process they have to give you tatoos. I had wondered how this was done. From what I can tell, they drop some ink on you and then prick you with a needle to push the ink under your skin. So now I have three faint black dots on my body which will help like up the (insert Dr. Evil voice) lasers.

I will have 33 radiation appointments (beginning the day after Memorial Day). Why 33 you may ask? No idea. Right now I have a 3:45pm appointment time. That works well with school, but once school is out it's going to be slightly annoying to have to be somewhere everyday at 3:45. Luckily the appointments are only between 15-30 mins.

This should be the last big thing I have to do in this process. Glad to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel! 

Sleep, Eat, Repeat

So I think I have mentioned in the past what a terrible sleeper I became during chemo. I went weeks without sleeping through the night. Some nights I was up for just a minute, some nights hours. When the alarm went off in the morning, I was a pro at pushing the snooze button. In the last couple weeks, however, I have become a champ at sleeping. I didn't realize how tired I was until I started getting good nights of sleep. I get up earlier in the morning, get to work earlier and am way more productive. I also don't feel the need to go to bed at 7pm anymore.

I also didn't realize just how bad my appetite had gotten during chemo. Currently, everything sounds good and I am eating like it's my job. Not good for the waistline! I gained back the weight I had lost but that was to be expected.  I should, however, start eating better. It was Tulip Time in Holland this week and I took full advantage. Summer is right around the corner and summer clothes need to fit! :)

And this is why I don't blog...

Sorry for the long break from blogging. No good reason for it, just have kinda forgotten about it. Yeah I knew this would happen eventually. Maybe it's a good thing that I haven't really had much to share?

So here is the rundown of the last three weeks....

I mentioned in my last post that I was going to meet with a genetic counselor about a test they want to run before I start chemo. It was to test for a P-53 (I think I'm remembering that right) mutation. This might have been the most stressful appt. I've had this whole time. Basically I have a 2% chance of having this. But, if I do have it, radiation can cause other types of cancer. However, if I had the test, it would take 6-8 weeks to get the results back which puts radiation off that long. Oh and the test might not be covered by my insurance. That was a lot to take in! I felt like they needed an answer right that minute and it stressed me out that I couldn't really get an answer as to whether it was ok to put off radiation. So I cried, and once that starts, it doesn't stop. Then the counselor wanted to talk about "where those tears are coming from." Oh I don't know, maybe because three people are staring at me in a small room and I have cancer and I'm mad that I'm even in that position!  In the end, I got the test. I'd hate to think I did radiation and caused myself harm.

So after that appt. the waiting game was back on. I was happy to have a break from appts. and procedures and such, but now radiation is getting pushed further into the summer.

During the waiting period I also had my port removed. That was exciting seeing that it meant that I really wasn't having any more chemo (hopefully never ever again). I find it funny that I had to go into the hospital and put under anesthesia to have it put in, but I could have it taken out in my surgeon's office.

Fast forward two weeks, I got a call at the end of last week that my test results had all come back negative. Evidently the letter from my radiologist had actually sped up the process. So now I'm just waiting for my doctors to call me to start radiation.

On the hair topic, I think it's finally starting to grow.  I seem to see some brown specks! Grow hair grow! I was researching online what I might be able to make it grow faster. Most posts said to eat healthy. Um, can you be a little more specific with that? Some said take prenatal vitamins, others said go for Rogaine. :) I might go the vitamin route. Anyone have any ideas?

Hopefully soon I'll have some good radiation stories for you!