So I think I have mentioned in the past what a terrible sleeper I became during chemo. I went weeks without sleeping through the night. Some nights I was up for just a minute, some nights hours. When the alarm went off in the morning, I was a pro at pushing the snooze button. In the last couple weeks, however, I have become a champ at sleeping. I didn't realize how tired I was until I started getting good nights of sleep. I get up earlier in the morning, get to work earlier and am way more productive. I also don't feel the need to go to bed at 7pm anymore.
I also didn't realize just how bad my appetite had gotten during chemo. Currently, everything sounds good and I am eating like it's my job. Not good for the waistline! I gained back the weight I had lost but that was to be expected. I should, however, start eating better. It was Tulip Time in Holland this week and I took full advantage. Summer is right around the corner and summer clothes need to fit! :)
Showing posts with label #imadork. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #imadork. Show all posts
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
3rd time's not the charm
Sorry for being such a poor blogger. Frankly I'm impressed as heck that I've even kept this going as long as I have! From the page views I seem to have some followers, so for you, I will keep on blogging!
So round 3 was last week. Gotta say, this one was a little rougher than the last. Chemo day started with a visit to my surgeon for a routine checkup. I mentioned that I had a bump on my back that hurt and she informed me that I had a sebaceous cyst (sp?) that was infected. Awesome... Normally this would an easy little procedure, but since it was chemo day, I had to get my treatment before she would lance the cyst. (Is that the correct usage of the word lance? hmmm...) So off to chemo I went with an appointment to go back to the surgeon after.
My awesome friend Jessica (you can find her and her adorable family here) was my chemo buddy. Like most people who have gone with me (ok all the people who have gone with me) she didn't really know what to expect. Little did she know that with the added cyst appearance she was in for even more of a treat! The treatment went fine, it let us have tons of time to gossip, and then off we went back to the surgeon.
Getting rid of a cyst is much like popping a big pimple with slightly less excitement. (Oh you know you love that feeling of popping a big pimple!) This one was on the back of my shoulder so I didn't get to see much. However, the surgeon did show me the "shell" of the cyst (didn't know they had those) and Jess said that there was more fun stuff that came out. Now I thought this would be a simple "slice it open and stitch it up". Little did I know I would be in for daily "packings" of the hole even now (7 days later). Oh yeah, silly me, I forgot I have no immune system to heal this thing... Big thanks to Nurse Lindsey for helping me out with this on more than one occasion!
I didn't have an awesome weekend in terns of feeling good but I think that was for many reasons. My body is fighting the mighty cyst. I know I didn't drink enough fluids. I slept terribly. I ate terribly. All in all I was a terrible cancer patient. I will make this better during my next and final round!!!
So round 3 was last week. Gotta say, this one was a little rougher than the last. Chemo day started with a visit to my surgeon for a routine checkup. I mentioned that I had a bump on my back that hurt and she informed me that I had a sebaceous cyst (sp?) that was infected. Awesome... Normally this would an easy little procedure, but since it was chemo day, I had to get my treatment before she would lance the cyst. (Is that the correct usage of the word lance? hmmm...) So off to chemo I went with an appointment to go back to the surgeon after.
My awesome friend Jessica (you can find her and her adorable family here) was my chemo buddy. Like most people who have gone with me (ok all the people who have gone with me) she didn't really know what to expect. Little did she know that with the added cyst appearance she was in for even more of a treat! The treatment went fine, it let us have tons of time to gossip, and then off we went back to the surgeon.
Getting rid of a cyst is much like popping a big pimple with slightly less excitement. (Oh you know you love that feeling of popping a big pimple!) This one was on the back of my shoulder so I didn't get to see much. However, the surgeon did show me the "shell" of the cyst (didn't know they had those) and Jess said that there was more fun stuff that came out. Now I thought this would be a simple "slice it open and stitch it up". Little did I know I would be in for daily "packings" of the hole even now (7 days later). Oh yeah, silly me, I forgot I have no immune system to heal this thing... Big thanks to Nurse Lindsey for helping me out with this on more than one occasion!
I didn't have an awesome weekend in terns of feeling good but I think that was for many reasons. My body is fighting the mighty cyst. I know I didn't drink enough fluids. I slept terribly. I ate terribly. All in all I was a terrible cancer patient. I will make this better during my next and final round!!!
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Strength
I get told time and time again how "strong" I have been through "the situation". I guess that never really crossed my mind. I'm just dealing with it the only way I know how. Even the nurses have commented on just how low my blood pressure was before all of my surgeries and treatments.
If I start to feel "weak" and trust me, there have been some meltdowns (have I mentioned how much I love a good cry in the shower) I just have to tell myself that wallowing is not going to do me any good. I can't change the situation I'm in, so I just have to deal with it best I can.
Choosing to work throughout this has helped. I can focus my energies on what I need to get done, and forget about the scary stuff. I think the students (especially my first hour) expect me to have lost some energy by now, but hasn't happened. One of them asked me if I feel sick and they were surprised to hear that I didn't really. A lot of them have never watched someone go through cancer treatments so the only thing they know is what they've seen on movies/tv. We have had to chat about how what happened in "My Sister's Keeper" is NOT the same as I'm going through.
Here is the other thing. I refuse to be sad and mopey, when I have friends who have gone through bigger things in the last couple years and still manage to get through the days. If Ryan can teach every day in the gym where he watched his player pass away, and if Jocelyn can still work in the district where her son died and she and her husband can walk into the gym to watch Mitchell play after all that has happened, then I sure as hell don't get to sit around and feel sorry for myself.
I guess the moral of the story is, I don't feel strong. I just feel like I'm dealing with it the best I can. But, I do appreciate the compliments and it lets me know what I'm doing is going well.
If I start to feel "weak" and trust me, there have been some meltdowns (have I mentioned how much I love a good cry in the shower) I just have to tell myself that wallowing is not going to do me any good. I can't change the situation I'm in, so I just have to deal with it best I can.
Choosing to work throughout this has helped. I can focus my energies on what I need to get done, and forget about the scary stuff. I think the students (especially my first hour) expect me to have lost some energy by now, but hasn't happened. One of them asked me if I feel sick and they were surprised to hear that I didn't really. A lot of them have never watched someone go through cancer treatments so the only thing they know is what they've seen on movies/tv. We have had to chat about how what happened in "My Sister's Keeper" is NOT the same as I'm going through.
Here is the other thing. I refuse to be sad and mopey, when I have friends who have gone through bigger things in the last couple years and still manage to get through the days. If Ryan can teach every day in the gym where he watched his player pass away, and if Jocelyn can still work in the district where her son died and she and her husband can walk into the gym to watch Mitchell play after all that has happened, then I sure as hell don't get to sit around and feel sorry for myself.
I guess the moral of the story is, I don't feel strong. I just feel like I'm dealing with it the best I can. But, I do appreciate the compliments and it lets me know what I'm doing is going well.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Hair today, gone ????
It is a well known fact that I have been fearing losing my hair. My pity party of a week ago was pretty much over that.
As a kid, I had awesome hair. I was bald until I was 2, and then I had Shirley Temple curls. In elementary school I remember priding myself on how long my hair was. And then, junior high came along....
Something happened in 6th grade. My hair went from wavy to kinky, curly, and crazy! It was terrible. There was nothing I could do with it. It was huge! They tried perming it, cutting it, anything to get it to calm down. Not until high school did it get slightly better. Even through high school and college and I disliked my hair. I could never just leave it down because it would get so frizzy. It was constantly in a ponytail. I wore my hair down exactly one time in high school (Ironically that was also the only day I wore a skirt to school. And for the record, I went home at lunch and put my hair up and changed my clothes).
When I started teaching, it was still usually in a ponytail. If I wanted to straighten it, I would have to plan to set my alarm extra early to get it done before I had to leave. This year things have started to change. I don't know if it's because I've grown it out, or it's changed texture or after 34 years I've actually learned what to do with it, but I'm loving my hair. I leave it curly more often than not these days. And now I face losing it. The irony.
Yesterday Sarah and I went to look at wigs. Can we take a moment to discuss how creepy mannequin heads are? Why must they be creepy??? Can't normal faces be painted on them??? Anyways, after sitting for a long time amongst the creepy ladies, I came to the realization that I don't want a wig.
What if I spend a bunch on money on one and hate it? Will I really be willing to do the upkeep for a wig? I teach high school kids. They aren't going to get fooled by a wig. And I already stress about how my hair looks on a daily basis, I can't imagine stressing over how a wig looks. Plus, if I go out on the weekends and run into a student without it on, well that could just be awkward. So I'm going for it. Going bald. I mean, it works for my friend Ryan, so why not me?
Now, I am not saying I am shaving my head......yet. I'm going to let this happen naturally. I'm going to see if I can get a haircut this week to take some length off so that when I do lose it I'm not losing as much. I bought some cute little hats to wear and I have a pretty good scarf collection so I'll see what I can do with those.
I'm not going to say I'll stay this calm through the whole hair process. In fact as I type this I'm fearing going to take a shower and having it all fall out, but I'm more ready for it to happen than I was before. I've been told that when it comes in it's usually really curly. Now I'm hoping for a little fro in a couple months!
As a kid, I had awesome hair. I was bald until I was 2, and then I had Shirley Temple curls. In elementary school I remember priding myself on how long my hair was. And then, junior high came along....
Something happened in 6th grade. My hair went from wavy to kinky, curly, and crazy! It was terrible. There was nothing I could do with it. It was huge! They tried perming it, cutting it, anything to get it to calm down. Not until high school did it get slightly better. Even through high school and college and I disliked my hair. I could never just leave it down because it would get so frizzy. It was constantly in a ponytail. I wore my hair down exactly one time in high school (Ironically that was also the only day I wore a skirt to school. And for the record, I went home at lunch and put my hair up and changed my clothes).
When I started teaching, it was still usually in a ponytail. If I wanted to straighten it, I would have to plan to set my alarm extra early to get it done before I had to leave. This year things have started to change. I don't know if it's because I've grown it out, or it's changed texture or after 34 years I've actually learned what to do with it, but I'm loving my hair. I leave it curly more often than not these days. And now I face losing it. The irony.
Yesterday Sarah and I went to look at wigs. Can we take a moment to discuss how creepy mannequin heads are? Why must they be creepy??? Can't normal faces be painted on them??? Anyways, after sitting for a long time amongst the creepy ladies, I came to the realization that I don't want a wig.
What if I spend a bunch on money on one and hate it? Will I really be willing to do the upkeep for a wig? I teach high school kids. They aren't going to get fooled by a wig. And I already stress about how my hair looks on a daily basis, I can't imagine stressing over how a wig looks. Plus, if I go out on the weekends and run into a student without it on, well that could just be awkward. So I'm going for it. Going bald. I mean, it works for my friend Ryan, so why not me?
Now, I am not saying I am shaving my head......yet. I'm going to let this happen naturally. I'm going to see if I can get a haircut this week to take some length off so that when I do lose it I'm not losing as much. I bought some cute little hats to wear and I have a pretty good scarf collection so I'll see what I can do with those.
I'm not going to say I'll stay this calm through the whole hair process. In fact as I type this I'm fearing going to take a shower and having it all fall out, but I'm more ready for it to happen than I was before. I've been told that when it comes in it's usually really curly. Now I'm hoping for a little fro in a couple months!
Friday, January 25, 2013
I do not enjoy the waiting game...
Dear Readers, (I guess I'm just assuming there are multiple of you)
I have not been avoiding you I swear. I just have zero updates. (Believe me, it's frustrating me as much as it does you!)
Today I went to my surgeon and she said everything looks good with my incisions. She said I'll be seeing her every 3 months for a year, but that she wants to see me in 6 weeks this time because she wants to see what the scar tissue is doing. She's worried that the scar tissue will form lumps that will feel much like the original lump and she doesn't want me worrying about this for 3 months. (Have I mentioned how much I like her???)
Right now we are waiting for the latest test (ONCO) to come back. This will determine how aggressive the cancer was. I think it's on a scale of Low-Moderate-High. If it comes back low, my treatment plan will just include radiation. If it comes back high I will have chemo and then radiation. If it comes back moderate....more tests! Can we have a group rally for a Low result please? K thanks!
I have had very few meltdowns/freakouts lately, but in the late night hours of Tuesday I let myself get wrapped up in the thoughts of chemo. If you have been my friend for a while, you know I have a love/hate (or more hate/hate) relationship with my hair. It's thick, frizzy, unpredictable, and caused me to have a fro for most of middle school. Just recently, thanks to Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (well worth the $22 price tag) I have started to love my hair again. It terrifies me to think of losing it. Also, I know I have a giant flat spot on my head that does not need to be seen. And I teach teenagers and that'll just be awkward (especially since they don't know about this whole thing yet). And yes, I know there are many other side effects of chemo, but the hair thing is the one I'm most worried about (does that make me shallow?). Ok I'm done with this topic.
Well, I think that's all for now. After a 1.5 day work week to start the new semester I'm already behind. I love snow days but I could seriously use getting back into a routine. It's been great seeing my students and coworkers again!
Thanks for being my readers/friends/family!
Jenn
I have not been avoiding you I swear. I just have zero updates. (Believe me, it's frustrating me as much as it does you!)
Today I went to my surgeon and she said everything looks good with my incisions. She said I'll be seeing her every 3 months for a year, but that she wants to see me in 6 weeks this time because she wants to see what the scar tissue is doing. She's worried that the scar tissue will form lumps that will feel much like the original lump and she doesn't want me worrying about this for 3 months. (Have I mentioned how much I like her???)
Right now we are waiting for the latest test (ONCO) to come back. This will determine how aggressive the cancer was. I think it's on a scale of Low-Moderate-High. If it comes back low, my treatment plan will just include radiation. If it comes back high I will have chemo and then radiation. If it comes back moderate....more tests! Can we have a group rally for a Low result please? K thanks!
I have had very few meltdowns/freakouts lately, but in the late night hours of Tuesday I let myself get wrapped up in the thoughts of chemo. If you have been my friend for a while, you know I have a love/hate (or more hate/hate) relationship with my hair. It's thick, frizzy, unpredictable, and caused me to have a fro for most of middle school. Just recently, thanks to Miss Jessie's Pillow Soft Curls (well worth the $22 price tag) I have started to love my hair again. It terrifies me to think of losing it. Also, I know I have a giant flat spot on my head that does not need to be seen. And I teach teenagers and that'll just be awkward (especially since they don't know about this whole thing yet). And yes, I know there are many other side effects of chemo, but the hair thing is the one I'm most worried about (does that make me shallow?). Ok I'm done with this topic.
Well, I think that's all for now. After a 1.5 day work week to start the new semester I'm already behind. I love snow days but I could seriously use getting back into a routine. It's been great seeing my students and coworkers again!
Thanks for being my readers/friends/family!
Jenn
Thursday, January 17, 2013
No food or drink til when???
I've hit that annoying point where I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything until after surgery. Here is a list of things that I might commit a crime for right now (note: yes, I'm being slightly dramatic):
-A large fountain diet pepsi
-A donut (specifically a yeast donut with chocolate frosting from my local Speedway Gas Station)
-Gum
-French fries
-Son of a Baconator (Note: if you haven't had one of these burgers, get one!)
-Some of the chocolate caramel chex mix I decided to make this morning to send with my girls going to Louisville (Ladies, that was sacrifice haha)
-Anything to drink!
Besides being hungry, here are the other things I've slightly stressed over today:
-What should I wear? I have a lot of comfy clothes to choose from.
-I can't wear deodorant? Pretty sure the annoyance of that is making me sweat more
-What do I do with my hair? Up? Down? Straight?
-What? I can't use any hair products? Have you seen my hair?
-Do I have enough Saran Wrap? (Note: it's close but I think I'll be ok) (Note: no, I was not trying to say that my boobs are so big that I'll need a lot)
-How long until I get to eat??????
Side note: I have not stressed about school at all. Then again, I might have gone a little overboard with four pages of sub notes and piles sorted by day each labeled with a Post-it. I meant to take a picture and forgot.
Ok off to begin the long day! I've been asked to provide a picture of the saran wrapped breast (you can thank Jess for that one). Not sure I'll put that on the world wide web. Ha!
-A large fountain diet pepsi
-A donut (specifically a yeast donut with chocolate frosting from my local Speedway Gas Station)
-Gum
-French fries
-Son of a Baconator (Note: if you haven't had one of these burgers, get one!)
-Some of the chocolate caramel chex mix I decided to make this morning to send with my girls going to Louisville (Ladies, that was sacrifice haha)
-Anything to drink!
Besides being hungry, here are the other things I've slightly stressed over today:
-What should I wear? I have a lot of comfy clothes to choose from.
-I can't wear deodorant? Pretty sure the annoyance of that is making me sweat more
-What do I do with my hair? Up? Down? Straight?
-What? I can't use any hair products? Have you seen my hair?
-Do I have enough Saran Wrap? (Note: it's close but I think I'll be ok) (Note: no, I was not trying to say that my boobs are so big that I'll need a lot)
-How long until I get to eat??????
Side note: I have not stressed about school at all. Then again, I might have gone a little overboard with four pages of sub notes and piles sorted by day each labeled with a Post-it. I meant to take a picture and forgot.
Ok off to begin the long day! I've been asked to provide a picture of the saran wrapped breast (you can thank Jess for that one). Not sure I'll put that on the world wide web. Ha!
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Hypochondria is one of my many charming traits
Since I was young, if I heard about an ailment I was pretty convinced I had it. I may not have voiced this out loud, but I could talk my self into and out of having various medical problems quite quickly.
Just some of the examples:
-Somebody once told me (either my mom or grandma) that if your stomach ache was at the bottom of your stomach you would be find. If it was on the top, you were going to throw up. I spent many nights tracking the pain in my stomach trying to gauge if I was going to vomit. I rarely did and I'm pretty sure my worrying only made the pain worse.
-In middle school we read the book "Hatchet". If I remember correctly, the pilot of the airplane complained about pain in his left arm before he died of a heart attack. Any pain in my left arm freaked me out after that. (It should be noted that I rarely read books that I was assigned. I read this one unfortunately. Pretty sure it scarred me for life.)
-After Wes died, every shortness of breath or pain or pretty much anything out of the ordinary had me convinced something was wrong.
None of these worries have gotten better now that my "situation" has come around. Last night I went to bed and my back ached. Couldn't figure out why. This morning not only did my back ache but I also had a headache. What immediately came to mind? The cancer is spreading! It's in my brain and back!
After a mini meltdown, I stopped at the gas station to buy Extra Strength Tylenol (since I only had Ibuprofen at home and I'm not supposed to take that) and by 1st hour the pain was gone.
I can't wait until Thursday is over and the worry/wondering if the cancer has spread will be answered (and hopefully gone). The MRI didn't show anything besides the tumor they know about, but then again, the first biopsy came up negative... (Sidenote: I hate the waiting game. I am not good at it.)
Another sidenote: yes, I realize my quirkiness just came through loud and clear with this post. If only you could hear the other crazy thoughts in my head. If you think I fret about health issues, you should hear how I fret about boys! :) (And yes, I said boys and not men. Let's be honest, they're boys and they are dumb.)
Just some of the examples:
-Somebody once told me (either my mom or grandma) that if your stomach ache was at the bottom of your stomach you would be find. If it was on the top, you were going to throw up. I spent many nights tracking the pain in my stomach trying to gauge if I was going to vomit. I rarely did and I'm pretty sure my worrying only made the pain worse.
-In middle school we read the book "Hatchet". If I remember correctly, the pilot of the airplane complained about pain in his left arm before he died of a heart attack. Any pain in my left arm freaked me out after that. (It should be noted that I rarely read books that I was assigned. I read this one unfortunately. Pretty sure it scarred me for life.)
-After Wes died, every shortness of breath or pain or pretty much anything out of the ordinary had me convinced something was wrong.
None of these worries have gotten better now that my "situation" has come around. Last night I went to bed and my back ached. Couldn't figure out why. This morning not only did my back ache but I also had a headache. What immediately came to mind? The cancer is spreading! It's in my brain and back!
After a mini meltdown, I stopped at the gas station to buy Extra Strength Tylenol (since I only had Ibuprofen at home and I'm not supposed to take that) and by 1st hour the pain was gone.
I can't wait until Thursday is over and the worry/wondering if the cancer has spread will be answered (and hopefully gone). The MRI didn't show anything besides the tumor they know about, but then again, the first biopsy came up negative... (Sidenote: I hate the waiting game. I am not good at it.)
Another sidenote: yes, I realize my quirkiness just came through loud and clear with this post. If only you could hear the other crazy thoughts in my head. If you think I fret about health issues, you should hear how I fret about boys! :) (And yes, I said boys and not men. Let's be honest, they're boys and they are dumb.)
Maturity is not my forte
Today I had to spend 15 minutes talking to a nurse at Holland Hospital in preparation for my surgery Thursday. Here are some of the highlights:
Nurse: Have you fallen lately?
Me: Fallen?
Nurse: Yes, fallen.
Me: Yes actually. The other day I fell in the cafeteria in front of a lot of high school students.
Nurse: Was this from feeling off balance or dizzy?
Me: No, just from overall clumsiness.
Nurse: Did you hurt anything?
Me: Just my pride...
Nurse: When was the start date of your last period?
Me: (Insert date here. You know you don't really want to know)
Nurse: Oh, so there's no way you're pregnant?
Me: (Insert loud laughter here) No!
*How single did that just make me sound....*
After all her questions, she asked if I had any. I did, "Does the hospital have wireless?"
Yes, I clearly have my priorities straight! The thought of surgery is not scary right now, but the thought of being without wireless for hours is!
Nurse: Have you fallen lately?
Me: Fallen?
Nurse: Yes, fallen.
Me: Yes actually. The other day I fell in the cafeteria in front of a lot of high school students.
Nurse: Was this from feeling off balance or dizzy?
Me: No, just from overall clumsiness.
Nurse: Did you hurt anything?
Me: Just my pride...
Nurse: When was the start date of your last period?
Me: (Insert date here. You know you don't really want to know)
Nurse: Oh, so there's no way you're pregnant?
Me: (Insert loud laughter here) No!
*How single did that just make me sound....*
After all her questions, she asked if I had any. I did, "Does the hospital have wireless?"
Yes, I clearly have my priorities straight! The thought of surgery is not scary right now, but the thought of being without wireless for hours is!
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