Ripping off the bandage

I found that at times, telling people I have cancer was almost worse than having it (note I said almost).  Some people knew that I had been having tests done but not many.  When I got the call on New Years Eve I knew I had to call my mom first.

My parents were set to go on vacation the next day, and part of me wanted to wait for them to come back before I told them. Seeing that my mom was already slightly  (ok very) angry that I didn't even tell her about all of this until after my first biopsy, I figured that wasn't a good idea. They ended up cancelling their trip which lead to some major guilt.  I knew they would want to come to my doctor's appointment later that week, but I still felt bad that my "situation" was causing them to miss a vacation.

Then I had to move on to telling friends. Those that knew about my biopsies were somewhat easy to tell. It made it easier if people had called to ask what my results were.  For others, I had to decide how the heck to start the conversation.  It's funny how when you tell some people you can barely keep it together and when you tell others you end up laughing.  I guess that's just the different dynamics of friendships.  Some people I could tell face to face, and some, it took days of crafting the perfect email and getting the guts up to send it.  I found my best guy friends to be the hardest to tell. It's not like we discuss boobs on a regular basis, let alone mine!

Then I had to decide what to do about telling my students. For now, I'm not. Who knows if that's the right decision or not, but as Sarah says "Jenn, it's your cancer and you get to deal with it how you want."  When I was a senior in high school my Calculus teacher announced to our class that he had cancer and would miss the next couple months. I know how much that shook me up and I just didn't feel like I needed to do that to my students. As it stands now, I'm not planning on missing a chunk of school. If this changes, I'll deal with it then. But for now, we'll keep them clueless. Then again in Fennville, nothing stays secret for long.

There is no way, unless I post it on Facebook, of telling everyone that probably should know.  I'm sure there will be some people angry that I never told them. But guess what, I'm angry I have cancer so they can suck it! :)